RS Birthday Event

Tuesday I went to the relief society birthday event thinking I need to talk to people about Friday anyways, its as good a time as any.

When I arrive, Lo & Behold!! it wasn't my ward's event this week it was the 1st ward...known as my old ward.

As I'm walking to the gym thinking...maybe we're sharing the gym today...I see the Food Storage Lady whom I needed to talk to anyway about the Granola I was purchasing and also own. Sadly I have no idea what to do with the granola, let alone how long it lasts.

So I stayed, and stayed, and visited, and participated. I ended up back home around 9.

It was an enjoyable evening, getting to see the friends in my old ward and sad at the same time. I realized that wards are a good social network and when it changes its like those friends are lost. It takes an effort now to visit them and see how they're doing instead of the weekly meeting on Sunday.

I realize I really suck at that! I have a hard time checking up on people let alone remembering names when I truly want to. Oh, the names are in my head all right, they just play hide and seek with me ALL THE TIME! Only when I'm readying myself for night night will they pop out and go "found me!!" Highly annoying...but very true with my mind.

So next week is when my wards activity is, and I hear it will be as much fun as the other activity. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll break out of the shell I live in and actually talk with people! On a consistent basis too!

Thought I'd test the mobile blogging while I walk & hubby plays. If I get really good & it works maybe I'll figure how to post a picture too!

I'm still Alive!!

Sunday was a harsh day for me, and it was completely because I had to teach. At least I know why today was harsh. Most days I have no clue!!

As the morning progressed and I tried to get one last look through the tears started coming. So I said "screw this" and went back to my room waiting for hubby to come. Which hubby noticed something was amiss and inevitably I cracked and proclaimed "I'm scared! Can I be sick!" Of course hubby does the sensitive approach...encouragement, its supposed to make things better right?

Yet with every movement closer to our church the more I wanted to cry. Seriously!! The tears would pool up and I'd attempt at blinking them back but to no avail.

Hubby once again, reassures me when we reach the inner doors and I just cry.

Can you picture it, a little redheaded adult crying in the church, begging in her heart for hubby to go to RS with her for to hold her hand, begging for His support to keep her calm and comforted. Knowing full well that what she's about to do is for the better otherwise she'd never have been called to do this...

After attempting to compose myself, I make it to the Room...normally its a beautiful room with a bay window to the west and in the north east corner is a lovely fireplace; a room inviting calmness in, but its the people that make it scary...So I make it to the Room and hide in the back of it as I know I'll have to make it up front and why kid myself that I'm just part of the crowd when I have to get up in front of the crowd.

As the time gets turned over to me I feel the tears coming already so I sneakily grab the box of kleenex's and through a muddy ugly cry (I think it was an ugly cry) I apologize for my mess. That crowds truly do frighten me and I'll need all the help I can get. After I try to take the deep breaths that usually help calm me fail I received such a warmth of calmness go over me, the ladies are joking with me to help and the tears stop. I shouldn't be shocked by ALL the help that I received but the tears, they just stopped!

I am truly thankful for the help HF gave me (previously mentioned as Him) and the kindness the ladies gave me. Granted it wasn't such a large group, but when you're used to a group of 5 being large, a group of 20 or 25 seems massive!!

And truth be told, I ran out of time to go over everything I planned to do. But I tend to over plan things for the just in case I run short.

I was told it was a good lesson and I hope it was. That the Ladies aren't just being nice, but that it was decent. Eventually I hope to stop having the panic attacks with getting in front of large groups, but it all comes with time.

I know that I was given this calling because it would help me grow, and I truly know that its to help me break out of my shell and interact with larger groups of people, possibly to even talk louder...gasp heaven forbid I talk above a whisper!!

But now I'll be off to prepare for my next lesson which is aptly titled: Come what may, and Love it!

Sorry, sometimes I don't know how to write short things.

Skype

So I am enjoying Skype. Had to download it for work and now I think its okay.

The cool part about it is yes, you can have video calls if you have a video camera attached to your computer. If you don't you can chat to them like instant messaging. It also has games that you can play for free!!

The downside...I play a lot of Majjong. This is a fun and VERY addictive game for me.

But the best part is...are you excited yet...its FREE!! Absolutely positively free!!

Granted there are options on it that you can pay for. Like you can call from Skype to a landline phone...but that costs! Or you can have your chat messages continue onto your cell phone...yet it costs again.

Otherwise, its pretty darn cool! And really if you have a camera, very fun to talk to people on the other side of the world! I've already chatted with Paulo in the Brazil office. Nice guy too!

Friends

Lately I have been thinking about one of my childhood friends, and whats more odd is I've been dreaming about this friend. For some who don't know it is a very RARE thing for me to remember my dreams. But over a couple of weeks this friend has been stuck in my head.

I finally broke down and started searching for him online. Round-a-bout way I found his blog. From reading his blog I can determine the he is fine and no worries. But do I really take the leap and find a way to talk to him. Tell him thanks for being my friend in elementary school when I needed one and that he's been on my mind? In order for me to do that I was going to contact his folks who may or may not remember me but they'll remember my Da so they might give me his information. But still the debate within my head, do I contact or be a silent visitor?