Slowly Sinking In

I appreciate the nights when I'm just held. Lovely hubby did just that with me last night. Letting me know its okay to "let it out" other words to cry, that I don't have to be strong for him, he's strong for both of us, along with telling me bottling things in is not a good thing

Just the sound of his voice broke the barrier I had put up for protection and the tears just started coming. Even when I told him I'd get the ugly cry. We've all had the ugly cry, where your face scrunches up so much you can't tell where anything is. My ugly cry includes the whole face and neck going splotchy red and I can't get enough air in my lungs.

No fret though, it'll happen again. I have a hard time letting myself lose control for too long. I just want everything normal again. No more crying or easily frustrated, just normal with no worries in the world . Hubby says eventually it will come with time. But I'm not being very patient waiting to be all right.

URGH

Have you ever had days that you just see red, wherever you look. It seems that those days are happening more and more often in regards to my work. Somehow its all in regards to my newly hired helpers, yes their titles are actually "Helpers".

For example, a phone message I had late Sunday night..."Hey Nicole this is Helper, bossman told me I had a class tomorrow morning and I was just checking with you to see what my itinerary was, can you call me back"

Mind you, Bossman is the Operations Manager, and I am the office manager. So it seems very rational that what his boss tells him is correct. Sadly this capper doesn't agree and double checks things with me, hence my URGH!!

For those that don't know, background of my work history. I have been working at Layne (a drilling outfit) for the last 10 years. Started as a lowely file clerk and took over positions as those above me left, so I do all in the office but bid the jobs and order materials for those jobs. Sadly the new people we hire don't realize that any questions regarding payroll or insurance I handle, anything else they go through Bossman as he is their boss.

Who knows, they have to learn eventually right? The best I can do is hope.

New to this...and more

So I'm new to this whole concept of blogs online, I've had the enjoyment of being able to "read" about what is going on it the family with Angie, Aunt Catherine, Jared, and Pat's and thought I'd better attempt to get my family started on it. Who knows it could be fun!

It has been a busy couple of weeks and I wanted to thank all those who were able to come to the christmas party. I truly hope everyone had fun.

Ever have days that its like you're not here...well thats how I've been since I heard about Grampa passing yesterday. I have been having the hardest time making simple decisions, even being able to smile or talk with people have been a strain for me. I keep telling myself that its okay because he's with Grams now and I should be happy for them. But I'm not. Any time someone says I'm sorry or shows any form of comfort to me I break down and cry. I talked with my brother yesterday and sometimes I'm envious of him because he is so used to death where he works that he doesn't cry at a drop of a hat or a memory that creapt into the mind. I know that it is a good thing and he's in a better place not to mention that he's with his love again. But I just miss him so.