I'm still Alive!!

Sunday was a harsh day for me, and it was completely because I had to teach. At least I know why today was harsh. Most days I have no clue!!

As the morning progressed and I tried to get one last look through the tears started coming. So I said "screw this" and went back to my room waiting for hubby to come. Which hubby noticed something was amiss and inevitably I cracked and proclaimed "I'm scared! Can I be sick!" Of course hubby does the sensitive approach...encouragement, its supposed to make things better right?

Yet with every movement closer to our church the more I wanted to cry. Seriously!! The tears would pool up and I'd attempt at blinking them back but to no avail.

Hubby once again, reassures me when we reach the inner doors and I just cry.

Can you picture it, a little redheaded adult crying in the church, begging in her heart for hubby to go to RS with her for to hold her hand, begging for His support to keep her calm and comforted. Knowing full well that what she's about to do is for the better otherwise she'd never have been called to do this...

After attempting to compose myself, I make it to the Room...normally its a beautiful room with a bay window to the west and in the north east corner is a lovely fireplace; a room inviting calmness in, but its the people that make it scary...So I make it to the Room and hide in the back of it as I know I'll have to make it up front and why kid myself that I'm just part of the crowd when I have to get up in front of the crowd.

As the time gets turned over to me I feel the tears coming already so I sneakily grab the box of kleenex's and through a muddy ugly cry (I think it was an ugly cry) I apologize for my mess. That crowds truly do frighten me and I'll need all the help I can get. After I try to take the deep breaths that usually help calm me fail I received such a warmth of calmness go over me, the ladies are joking with me to help and the tears stop. I shouldn't be shocked by ALL the help that I received but the tears, they just stopped!

I am truly thankful for the help HF gave me (previously mentioned as Him) and the kindness the ladies gave me. Granted it wasn't such a large group, but when you're used to a group of 5 being large, a group of 20 or 25 seems massive!!

And truth be told, I ran out of time to go over everything I planned to do. But I tend to over plan things for the just in case I run short.

I was told it was a good lesson and I hope it was. That the Ladies aren't just being nice, but that it was decent. Eventually I hope to stop having the panic attacks with getting in front of large groups, but it all comes with time.

I know that I was given this calling because it would help me grow, and I truly know that its to help me break out of my shell and interact with larger groups of people, possibly to even talk louder...gasp heaven forbid I talk above a whisper!!

But now I'll be off to prepare for my next lesson which is aptly titled: Come what may, and Love it!

Sorry, sometimes I don't know how to write short things.

Skype

So I am enjoying Skype. Had to download it for work and now I think its okay.

The cool part about it is yes, you can have video calls if you have a video camera attached to your computer. If you don't you can chat to them like instant messaging. It also has games that you can play for free!!

The downside...I play a lot of Majjong. This is a fun and VERY addictive game for me.

But the best part is...are you excited yet...its FREE!! Absolutely positively free!!

Granted there are options on it that you can pay for. Like you can call from Skype to a landline phone...but that costs! Or you can have your chat messages continue onto your cell phone...yet it costs again.

Otherwise, its pretty darn cool! And really if you have a camera, very fun to talk to people on the other side of the world! I've already chatted with Paulo in the Brazil office. Nice guy too!

Friends

Lately I have been thinking about one of my childhood friends, and whats more odd is I've been dreaming about this friend. For some who don't know it is a very RARE thing for me to remember my dreams. But over a couple of weeks this friend has been stuck in my head.

I finally broke down and started searching for him online. Round-a-bout way I found his blog. From reading his blog I can determine the he is fine and no worries. But do I really take the leap and find a way to talk to him. Tell him thanks for being my friend in elementary school when I needed one and that he's been on my mind? In order for me to do that I was going to contact his folks who may or may not remember me but they'll remember my Da so they might give me his information. But still the debate within my head, do I contact or be a silent visitor?

New Callings ?!?

This last Sunday we had a meeting with the Bishop. Little did I know the callings he had were for the both of us. The whole time I thought this was a meeting specifically for hubby and I was along just for moral support.

Little did I know!!

To my horror I am now a relief society teacher, hubby is a young men assistant and the both of us are the Activities Chairmen.

My dismay was mainly being a teacher to "gasp" adults!! I can handle children and youg women but adults are an entirely different mattter. Then Bishop tried to console me by telling me what they originally had in mind...a cub scout leader...but it wasn't able to fit my schedule they decided. I'd much rather have had that!!! I would have made it work, I know I could!!

The largest scare factor for me is being in front of people trying to teach things that I feel inept at. Hence teaching adults is very scary because I'm still a child in my minds eye. Those of you snickering just stop...I still feel and sometimes act like a child. Besides you can come teach me!!

The activities is no problem. Sadly I revert to childish activities, like sledding and behold we have grandparents I need to think of!! Bishop would like to have 4 activities a year for the adults. So he says, part of me thinks that at least 2 of them will be for the whole ward but who knows. We may only do one activity and decide its too much for us, but I doubt it.

Besides, enough about me, what callings do you fear? Is it teaching like me?