deep sigh from a live in hermit

As some of you may or may not know I am a hermit in disguise.  I love to be home and spend time at home.  I can curl up with a good book, movie, puzzle, playing with the girls, pretty much anything.  I'm afraid as of late that I am teaching my beautiful almost 4 year old how to be a hermit.  A part of me feels bad as I honestly don't know how to break out of this hermit stage I live in.  How do you open up to people when being home is a complete new life to me and I feel like an imbecile towards anything mum related.


My question is, should I feel bad about this?  Should I be pushing her more to play with her friends when there are days she just wants to stay home & be in her jammies all day?  I feel bad that I don't have the faith or trust in myself to handle a bundle of little girls to manage their drama without interference or that I want to shield her from being hurt.


Anywho, youngest is crawling & crying now.  One day I'll get back on & write more.

Most days are good at home. What with the change of me being a stay at home mum and sometimes feeling like I'm a single mum. (Those day's are only when hubby is in school.) I've noticed a trend with me. I tend to write/post when mylife seems at the hardest and I can't decide to cry from it or scream.

The last few months we've had the bonus of a severance being paid every two weeks. Well, that is ending and we are truly a one income family and it scares me!  I know I'm still contributing to our family by raising our two kids but it is still wierd. Like I am not contributing enough. I grew up with both my parents working, to me that is the norm, not one staying home.

I am trying to still do things for me  (so I still can have an identity). Just recently, ok, this week. I have started excercising. Wow, did it kill me, my muscles till hurt and it as only a 30 minute workout!!  I'm still trying to convince myself of waking up earlier, which is so not me!! Definitely not a morning person. But, I'm trying to convince myself that this will give me the quiet time I need to myself to keep my sanity.

I do miss the time it had with my hubby, but I knew going into this that it would be a rough couple of years while he finished school. I didn't think about the after math. What happens when he's done with school. I just hope things work out. Even though I don't see a solution right away I know that there will be one. I have to keep believing that this change is better for our family. Even if I do have many days that I just want to cry or curl up in my bed & hide from the world.

We have done a few things around the house. We painted a bathroom and even made a chalkboard/magnetic dinner calendar for our kitchen! Aside from that us girls are still trying to. Come up with a few more crafty things to do.